バイバイちちと
ははとうち
だいよねん
とおいがいこく
せまいへや
ドリームは
いつか タダイマ
ドゥーアで
I have to admit that my limited Japanese vocab is no help to the 'poetic' thoughts running wild in my head. The senryu turns out to be much more depressed than I intended it to be. But look at the brighter side: I wrote a poem in Japanese!
The senryu is not 'conventional' in terms of satire/irony. It's more of a direct expression of feelings of me, a girl who studies away from home for the 4th year. People say that one only treasures the precious until it's gone, and I'd say a less extreme version is that one treasures the precious more when he/she looks at it at a distance. That's me and my family.
Katakana:
バイバイ in the 1st stanza is foreign words (in terms of katakana usage). 'byebye' is actually what the younger Chinese generation say when we part, and the Chinese 'zai jian' is quite outdated. My dad is not so comfortable with 'byebye' but he has to get used to it because me and my mom say it all the time :p
ドリーム (foreign words) actually is a pretty strong word. I use it because I don't know the word 'dream' in Japanese, and because I think the katakana version is also popular.
タダイマ is the one I'm not quite sure of using. It's in katakana here because it's a quotation - what I wish to say and feel when I go home.
ドゥーア (foreign words) can also be written as ドア. But the 4-syllable fits the senryu better.
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Here I use うち as 'home', and the first stanza means that 'at the airport I said goodbye to mom, dad and home' :)
These are really good! (My poems also turned out to be more depressing than I intended them to be, so I sympathize with this problem, haha.)
ReplyDeleteI think that among the greatest things about these is that you've been able to capture really genuine emotions, limited Japanese vocabulary and all. I can't imagine being away from home for such a long time, but have also gone through periods of missing my family very much. I also quite liked your usage of byebye (and always feel like I'm "cheating" when I use this in Chinese since it's so much like English ;)).
Thank you for your beautiful senryus! I feel like I learned a lot about you and your experiences. It's surprising how such few lines can express so much! I especially like the first senryu because the scene is set up so beautifully. I also learned a lot from it. (I will no longer say zai jian to my Chinese friends haha)
ReplyDeleteI am also studying away from home so I thoroughly understand your sentiments. Good job expressing them through katakana and hiragana! It just shows how productive studying abroad is - you are already writing haikus in a foreign language! Dream is a beautiful word and you use it really well int he last stanza.
ReplyDeleteI really like your haiku! I think your feelings are expressed very well.
ReplyDeleteFor the first one, when you say ははとうち, what did you mean by it? As a Japanese, I get two meanings out of it. One is 'my mother and I' and the other is 'at home together with my mother.' (some people say うち instead of わたしto express 'I'). I don't know if you intended it to have two meanings, but I thought it was really nice :)
シュウさんおせんりゅがいちばんすきです！I already commented earlier, but I want to re-emphasize how much I like the scenes that are set up by your haikus. スッゴイね~
ReplyDeleteI understand completely what you mean! It's true that you appreciate things more when you are far away from them. わたし も うち から とおい から ちょっと さびし です。It will be very nice to see my family when I get to go him for the winter, and I hope you have a nice break as well!
ReplyDeleteGood job! Really sad but well done!
ReplyDelete